Best part is I totaly had to get into my dads car like I didn't have my pants off two minutes ago.
So I ate yogurt with the back of my toothbrush. I feel like I've officially been initiated into college.
I would have been "that girl" at the party last night if it wasn't for that girl who puked in the potted plant...
I was looking at some smoking pipes on amazon the other day and realized that work people could look at my history and do a drug test. So I immediately started looking at Sherlock Holmes hats.
did u really fuck my little sister???
im not saying yes or no but just know that my answer rhymes with "mess"
we sixty- nined on a tennis court.. not even drunk. you say insane. i say creative genius.
She counted 5,6,7,8 then intentionally kneed herself in the eye numerous times.
we aren't going to have kids. there's a 50% chance that they would look like him. not worth the risk
When I get home we should play "let's see how many Christmas movies we can watch before we start having sex."
I'm wearing a cape at the laundromat. I really can't say shit
His pillow talk sucks. It was like Mr. Roger's vagina.
All I want to do is ice my pussy, but then my husband would probably infer that I was not at a business meeting last night.
Please don't explain what tea bagging is to my mother.
This guy wants me to put ice under his foreskin. What!?
Just saw 4 of my students at Denny's at 4am on a Tuesday. We all pretended not to see each other, as we are all clearly tipsy and/or stoned. Class is in less than 4 hours. Either i'm getting too old for this shit or they're starting on the road to crazy-town much earlier these days.
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