I hope I'm pregnant just to spite you.
"Not only do I bring a guy back to my hotel room....But I bring one back for my friend who's passed out drunk. Now that's what we call BESTfriends"
Sure, fine. Daughter just told me she is not a virgin anymore. I am gonna start drinking now
I found out that they tried to reenact the Snooki drop by using a jump rope and the banister. Pictures say it all.
Hillary is trying to make pickle pops with vodka and sell them to kids at the ball park.
Tell her to buy some booze and drink away her sorrows like an adult.
Really? Uh ohh sounds like a double date with extra stripper funnnn
so far I've only met her once and hung out one other time. Up to 5 BJs already. That's serious efficiency.
I just realized that at some point last night I told someone I would only be friends with 16% of them because the other 84% stole my people's land
I know, but the fabulousness of my baggies should not be what defines my business as a drug dealer.
Another beautiful Sunday, another beautiful day the stick is not positive. Amen.
He pulled out a red and green condom and then started humming "Here Comes Santa Claus." Happy holidays indeed.
Why make bad decisions when I can watch you?
It shouldn't be this hard to find someone who you haven't blown.
I woke up to a huge bag of McDonalds breakfast, a cup of coffe and Advil. The note read "yeah its a one night thing, but I felt bad so here you go. Thanks"
He just set a new unobtainable standard in one night stand etiquette.
Randomize
