you were convinced that if all her tampons were gone her period would stop, so you started eating them.
Apparently on the way out of the ER i asked the nurse to doggie-bag me some more morphine.
Look, all I'm sayin is $2 boilermakers and an expense account are probably a bad mix…
Also, we just got yelled at by a cop for being awesome...or making out in a fountain. Whatever.
Well I tried to call you. I was convinced my body was made of wood. But the Xmas lights in my room helped
Woke up w/ the same freshman as last Saturday but we were sober this time. Is that a relationship?
I refrained from asking a guy what he spilled on his dick because it smelled good. Morals.
It's called being normal.
He was my shower sex Sherpa last night. And we both made it safely up the mountain.
There's something very strange about masturbating in a hotel room. I feel like I'm cheating on my room...
We ended up at an Asian frat. I made out with two Mexicans at the same time and I pulled a muscle in my leg from twerking too low. Diversity.
Ran into him again last night, stole his glowstick and walked away. The glowstick mountain in my room keeps growing.
For the sake of being nice I congratulated her and she replied with something along the lines of that I need to stay away from him and not touch him ever. I really wanted to be like "been there, done that" but my New Years resolution was to not start any cat fight over boys with small dicks before noon
I'll pass on that plan. The lack of my penis in new vaginas is no where on the itinerary.
we are not getting arrested this weekend. I don't care who I have to blow its just not happening.
this poor kid thinks hes going to have his first time with both of us
Randomize
