Espresso. Can't sleep. Love puppies
Just boiled hotdogs in bongwater. NOT a good idea.
she said she'd get any tattoo I wanted ... so she's getting a large crossword puzzle as a tramp stamp. I'm the Einstein of doggy style
She recited Pi throughout ever orgasm she had....she said it was a game she likes to play...how far she gets is how she judges her lovers...I am oddly turned on by this...
just ran into my gynecologist at the liquor store... i think she's found the source of my problems
Her boyfriend was wrestling another girl. But, she said she was okay with it because she kept checking for boners--w the back of her hand like she was checking for a fever
Dude.. full face helmets and hangovers do not mix... I am never going to get rid of the smell of puke.
I whipped my shit out and she just stared at it with a mean face. It was like a face off in a heavyweight boxing fight.
He autographed my vag. This fuck just got authentic.
I'm just like... Utterly amazed that we're still alive at this point. Who'da thunk it....
I thought I would be a proper lady and put my spare panties in a ziplock
I need to sanitize my soul.
Well you know I have tits so that's half the battle
listen I need taco bell and an orgasm within the next hour. I'll leave the order in which you provide those things up to you
I just found a samari sword in the couch. I'm about to take like 5 shots and pretend to be captain jack sparrow
Randomize
