what happened last night??
everyone saw ******'s vagina
and that's just the beginning
No matter how drunk I am, I will take the time to wipe a pube off the toilet seat.
I forgot i ate a salad for dinner, so while i was barfing in his toilet, i kept screaming "i ate leaves?? i cant believe you let me eat leaves!"
home. puking in laundry basket.
i dedicated my morning wood to you.
I'm gonna make this happen. You think it would be too forward to text him my room number with turn by turn directions straight to my crotch?
He just walked up to be, grabbed my boob and said 'i think they have shrunk' i have no idea who he was.
I just yelled at a bunch of girl scouts for yelling "cookies" to loudly. That hungover
Unless you're gonna start buying my underwear, you have got to stop ripping it off of me.
That's the last time I get in a car with six rappers headed to god knows where.
I think I'm making a tradition of going to every funeral with at least one sex-related bruise. I don't know how this happened.
I think I just pulled an onion peel off my boob from sleeping on their kitchen floor
Yea it's also hard to turn down a man asking you out with a chicken sandwich.
I spilled wine on my pillowcase and I figure it's basically my lifeblood so I'm just leaving it
I am no longer and illegal Moonshiner. I just made thousands of gallons of incredibly High test alcohol with police watching and waiting for thare couple of jugs so that they can bring home and disinfect their houses with it. I'm fat with money at the moment.
Randomize
