two drunk chicks are talking to me about reinacting 2girls1cup
ill bring the camera dont start without me
I think youre just another guy trying to take advantage of a young naive innocent girl
you're not innocent... Once you have taken it in the turd cutter you can't label yourself innocent.
Admitting I go to nursing school is my subtle way of saying, yes, I know every muscle in your penis and how to effectively use them.
Held my professor's hair back while she was puking. I'd better get an A out of this or else the pics are going on Facebook.
I officially lit my glove on fire while lighting the bong. Winter needs to end.
I need you to stand in the corner and ref this threesome. Wear stripes.
There's a good chance a guy sucked off my right earring last night
I'm blaming hurricane Irene if I get pregnant tonight.
Just say its a British thing. They wont know Its not. And if they say you're not British, proposition them for a post-sex game of cricket.
not sure if I should be concerned that my brother just stormed into my room and looked at me with a serious face and said, "I'm a peacock, you have to let me fly." oh, vicodin...
I told him I liked how shrimp feels in my mouth, but I don't actually like eating it. Turned out to be the most awkward way to say that I wanted to suck his dick.
Dude... She just sent me a story of how she wants to fuck me on a boat and call me her captain.. Well ahoy mateys, lets set sail
If so I'm coming over there. There's no way I'm having "hello, how are you" conversations with my neighbors on acid
I just asked my mom if I could be the drunk realitive at the reunion. She said as long as I'm not obvious.
On the good side I got hit on by a cute college guy. But the bad side was having sex in a frat house for first time in 9 years
Randomize
