Remember ______, girl, blonde, one of my roommates the first year of ________?
Yeah we hooked up in the top bunk bed while simultaneously having a conversation with u, so yeah, I remember her
Please tell me you did not just serenade her with "Let's Get it On"?
Yeah I think it worked. My penis thanks you, Captain Morgan.
Come on the kid is gayer than me
Like the straightest thing he could do right now is take it up the butt
There is something about listening to Patsy Cline while pooping that makes the experience so much better.
epic walk of shame this morning involving 2 subway transfers. I need to start sexing locally.
someone left their shoes, a resume, and a pizza in the shower... i am actually speechless
I've hooked up with six guys in my ethics class next semester...I feel like I've failed already
Good news! I don't have Hep C! Better news! I still hate you!
Are we talking about who knows if I'll get naked pictures of you with a broadsword or who knows if I'll be surprised?
Made a holiday JibJab of all my fucks. How's your night?
Sent nudes to my best friend's boyfriend and mom last night. So I'm coping with that on top of my hangover this morning
You wear a dinosaur suit one time and everyone thinks you're a furry. Fucking hell, man.
We have GOT to stop getting stoned and going out for expensive dinners.
It's scary that my vibrator is a dangerous weapon. I want a new one.
whenever dudes said you had nice tits you'd scream at them "This double push-up bra is full of deceit and lies!"
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