Also thongs make me have to fart a lot.
How are you going to pay for strippers in Vegas when you were just begging for McDoubles?
why is allison so mad at me??
me and her walked into dans and you yelled "hello my dear alli, you're looking mighty overweight today!".
crap..
i'm sorry, but my penis isnt the solution to your problems
Party at my house. Beach themed. Clothing optional.
Wouldn't that make it "Nude Beach Themed?"
Sweet. Warning: i have been drinking at work since 4. Plan accordingly.
lesson #1 of freshman year: grinding with a sombrero is difficult
A girl told me I was her "alcohol spirit animal" tonight. Somehow I think my whole life was secretly building up to this moment
I had 17 beers 2 days ago. I'm not dad material yet
You left me alone with nothing but donuts and my thoughts.
and Katie got too high with the tow truck driver and wants to go home
You ripped my pants off and gave me the choice use it or lose it what was I suppose to do.
He went down on me while i ate a whole 7/11 pizza. New level unlocked
he invited me over. we listened to jazz, smoked weed, then cerebrally fucked each other over a three hour game of chess
Although, she is an extremely cool person. She put the "buddy" in "fuck buddy." And I mean that in the most respectful way possible.
Randomize
