So as she is about to take the walk of shame she flips out. Apparently someone left a brown present in her shoes.
I had sex with him, and then he gave me a $5 Starbucks gift card. Totally worth it
before you smothered your pizza in mayo you blotted it with a napkin saying you were trying to watch your fat intake
I just saw a guy getting escorted with handcuffs on, I'm too drunk to be at the airport right now.
This guy either needs to stop touching me or buy me another drink.
So, your mugshot picture is behind the counter at B-Dubs, with the caption: "not allowed on premesis."
there is an extreme lack of margarita in my mouth.
Does anyone know why "math wizard" is written on my arm?
Well, it's hard to say. Last night he puked a perfect circle around him on the floor, and then sat in it insisting it would protect him from the smoke monster. He's was still there last time I checked.
merry christmas to all and to all I give the mystery rash.
Yah at one point i was listening to metallica and doing pushups last night. I went thru alot of emotions.
I've been buying my puppy dildos for chew toys. I can't wait till a girl comes over and my dog is gnawing on a giant black cock
Note to self:A blacklight toga party at a frat house is a bad idea. Some things cannot be unseen
Watching a guy pay his tab with a check. Jesus dude...
my roommates gone so i can take codeine and sleep naked
Randomize
