Sometimes, dog treats look like people treats.
she took her bra off and it was like the puppet strings had been dropped. her tits totally deflated.
Just had a drunken guest at my hotel threaten to "throw a fuckin fireball at my face"
You were pissed we didn't change the movie to Eurotrip so you kept singing "Scotty Doesn't Know" over and over until you passed out.
She told me I should be a condom model.
I gotta bail on the cookout tonight. Im at the er getting stitches. Re-enacting porno went horribly wrong.
See this is why people shouldn't jump into marriage. See what type of drunk you're engaged to first.
Dude, so the police showed up at my house with my wallet told me they found it in the church fountain then handed me a pamphlet on AA saying it was from the pastor. What happend?
Just did it in a room with glowing stars to Peter Gabriel's down to earth on shrooms. This is like god
Part of me was thinking I should go old school and get a chasity belt before the semester starts. Really lock that shit down. But then I thought, fuck that. I'm going to hit that campus like an f5 whorenado
Is it really road head if took place on kayaks in the river?
He's carved the words "SLAM STATION" into his headboard...
You left me a voice message at 5 a.m. It was mostly incoherent noise, you screaming my name and then something about a man with two butt holes...
Got her pregnant in a minivan. Circle of life.
The most awkward thing in the morning is seeing your teacher's dick right before you go to his class.
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