What are you doing?
High. Watching Billy Mays infomercials...
That guy could sell me cancer.
You finger a girl once and she thinks she loves you. I'm going back to boys. Lesbians are needy.
You have to understand, this is the first time I'm looking at a whopper sober.
I'm allowed to be upset. I've never had that many fingers in my ass
There is an alarming amount of urine in here.
We got to the second bar and all he kept saying was "I'm on an alcohol safari!" Best 21st birthday ever.
I wish I cared about making my vagina as presentable as you do.
She has also never texted me first which I think might be a tell-tale sign she wants me to die alone.
I mean, I already saw his dick in person and wasn't impressed so why is he sending me a picture of it, anyway? I hate re-runs!
I'm gonna cum garlic butter
As soon as you told us you were an ostrich with a big penis, we began to wonder what you were on and if you wanted to share.
The next morning I found her spread eagle asleep on the living room floor and he was asleep with his head in her crotch. I needed a ride and had to wake them up.
It wasn't intentional or anything but I've now had sex with all of your siblings. How's college going?
Dear god my vagina.
Yes I’m serious. I just worked YOUR 12 hour shift on 3 hours of sleep if you come over without tacos and an ice cream cake in hand we are done
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