One of my residents in my hall just found my positive pregnancy test from last year I hid behind the fridge, I'm just going to tell them it was for a science project.
Can you imagine it being physically possible any other way unless the cows are unnaturally flexible
Baffled as to how I'm gonna get 150lbs of sand out of my basement.
you two started sword fighting with 3 ft tall spruce trees you pulled out of planters
do you think I can still get an erection if I donate blood today? this is important.
You left a trail of sequins from your dress incase we got lost
Fuck. The basement bathroom I've been getting head in for 6 months just went 'Out of Service'.
No longer allowed at circus circus apparently fuvking in the elevator is frowned upon.
Did you like my voicemail? Sounded like I was being murdered, right?
By a pack of ravenous dildos
Can we please get through at least one night out when you DON'T threaten to have sex with one of my parents?!?!
THERE IS NOT ENOUGH CAPSLOCK IN THE HISTORY OF THE WORLD TO EXPRESS MY CURRENT STATE OF WHAT THE FUCK JUST HAPPENED
And now whenever I see a documentary about dolphins, I think about sex, which is super weird
So what are you going to be for halloween?
A woman sitting on her couch watching Hocus Pocus.
Explaining that I bought them at a strip club gift shop with my friend didnt make the furry handcuffs seem less weird
I'm trying to be sexual and you're sending me smashmouth lyrics
Randomize
