Dude there are two smokin hot chicks laying outside my apartment...I almost want to tell them theyre laying where I threw up last night
U should. Its a good ice breaker
I got a hennah tattoo of my room number on my arm...I love spring break in Mexico!
Changing from sweatpants to jeans at 3 in the afternoon makes the day seem so much more productive than it actually was.
I owe you 20 bucks. My blood work did show liver damage.
I'm pretty sure there was a language barrier but he knew what "harder" meant.
I keep hearing lesbian porn and I'm the only one home. I don't think this is healthy
I am definitely the only sober one on this train. And the only one not wearing a business suit. Wow, Monday Korea.
I was just hoping for a dick worthy of his established age.
I'm drunk in your building find me and we can have sex.
Well, I found the missing blow... in my fucking suitcase... THIS MORNING. Yeah, I flew from FL to NY with blow in my suitcase yesterday.
I told you to check, dude
Yeah, AFTER I checked my bag and I was already sitting on a plane. Oh well. I figured worst case I'd do like 15 hours in county and I was totally prepared for that anyways. I always prepare for that when we hang out.
I saw Nicolas Cage's face in the moon. Those were good shrooms.
I don't think my professor is going to remember the Halloween party... or the fact that he made out with a priest.
If it makes you feel any better they literally are drinking alcohol out of a toilet. They are serving drinks out of a nasty ass toilet...!
Instead of asking him how many women he's slept with I just got straight to the point and asked how many Plan B pills he's purchased
It’s a 10 inch dick! Of course I’m getting a Brazilian
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