Is it bad that my booty call's snoring was more interesting than the sex we had last night?
apparently the secret to your success is patron
she used her cellphone as a light to find my clit under the sheets. worst.lesbian.ever.
She said I wasn't helping her abandonment issues by not responding to her texts at 4 am
I always know the weekend is over when the real license comes out and the fake goes back into the hiding spot.
So i know you wont get this until you land, but if i'm late its cause i was having sex. being blunt and hope that explains things.
Would I chase a raccoon with a flaming stick sober?
i just got banned from the m&m's website for trying to get poon slayer written on my custom order
She throws back shots like they are NO-THING. I swear, she goes through like five straight tequila shots, does a jello shot, chases with half a hot dog, has a rum and coke, and then takes her shirt off and makes an impromptu bandage out of it for fuckin' Tim who cut himself on the flagpole. I'm going to marry her.
Good god you suck at this wake up call. Seriously. If I can, after consuming enough vodka to subdue a russian soldier, muster up enough motivation to call you in the morning and send you naked pictures the least you could do is pick up.
he has the ass of a greek god and he made me breakfast
Fell asleep on kitchen floor again, chicken nuggets everywhere.
You fell out of his top bunk onto his set of golf clubs. After seeing blood on your leg, you proceeded to sing "the first cut is the deepest" while sprawled on the golf clubs
try to milk me bitch
just licked the cheese off a burger. that high.
Randomize
