she asked me what the final straw was. i had to tell her i caught him jerking off to digimon porn. i don't know what i'm more upset by, that he was masturbating to cartoons, or that he was masturbating to sub-par cartoons
Just hungoverly hit my funny bone with a hot straightener. Triple threat.
I replied to the university automated mass text about the armed robbery at the on-campus Starbucks with a sad face. Basically sums up my night.
I woke up to him climbing naked through my bedroom window with a bottle of jd in his hand. Of course I had sex with him.
she's sitting here naked with heels and a taco.
Get in the lobby, you have to sign my boxers
He wasn't there when I woke up so I left him a heart shaped line before I left.
Either I'm spending too much time drinking or my perfume is starting to smell like a pineapple vodka.
The fire alarm went off at 3 am in the freshmen dorm. So guess which junior everyone now knows is hooking up with a freshman? This girl...
Im going to hell in a hand basket. With a ribbon tied to my head. I'll be like a puppy for the devil.
Met Dan at the park for lunch and the guy parked next to us was getting a BJ the entire time. Way to make me feel like an inadequate girlfriend, random park skank. All Dan got was a double cheeseburger and a large iced tea...
After sex he cried I didn't know what to do so I patted him on the back and went to the kitchen to make waffles
As we have told you before, the first rule of hook-up bingo is we don't talk about hook-up bingo
When's the last time you had sex near some ducks?
That time of your life is like a blur to me. There was churches, car fucking, and conservatives
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