the only difference between me and a prostitute was that i complained a lot more.
There is a keg full of gin. THERE SHOULD NEVER EVER BE A KEG FULL OF GIN.
just wondering who decided to put a cup of throw up in my fridge
I now have an ENTIRE drawer of unused disposable silverware from Boston Market... and you guys said I needed to "buy" kitchen stuff
I've never seen a kid turn down a sure thing for a possible handy by a freshmen. You need to re-evaluate.
You'd think if the campus holds 28,000 undergrad I wouldn't run into three people I've hooked up with in one day
bad news.. campus security walked me home last night and when i tried to tell them where i lived they assured me they knew where our house was.
I'll remember. Also, I owe you 200 for a pair of shoes that I carelessly bought to improve my spinal structure, to improve my health and ensure that I love to be 300 years old. Like Adam. Of the bible.
i don't remember going ever taking off my pants but my pubes are shaved into a K and kelsey is passed out in the shower.
I just found glitter from our Father's Day party on my balls this morning.
DAD WTF
My mom just busted me rolling a blunt on her bathroom counter. ...all she said was fuck it it's Christmas
You make any dick jokes involving sushi and there WILL be consequences.
Sushi is fucking sacred in this house and I will kill you if you try and taint that.
It's really life affirming to be at a wedding thinking wow I took your husbands virginity
Straight up last night my mom was like josh you need to find a job that doesn't include the selling or transporting of drugs
So much for no-infidelity-fridays....
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