you're putting all your eggs in a very hungover basket
I walked into the bathroom and the toilet was on fire... I stood there for like a minute trying to decide whether I should put it out or get my camera.
His idea of a compliment is: 'you're cuter than your friend. If you both wanted a 3way I'd do it,but I'd pay more attention to you.'
the boys love us. they call us "the stoner girl suite down the hall". not very inspired, but flattering nonetheless
Announcement: Given the sad circumstances regarding the death of my dearest friend Chong the Bong, there will be a brief memorial service for him tomorrow evening at 10:30 at my place. After sharing some memories and sending his spirit off to the great bowl in the sky, we will all take place in the commemoration and maiden voyage of his son, Chong Squared, who eagerly waits to meet all of you. High blessings to you all, piece be with you.
He's talking about how great of a find these dollar store condoms were. Help.
Like "oh its Monday, gotta get wasted today!" not "oh its Monday.. Gotta go to class"
My suggestion is that you just get high and set shit on fire
That moment when you notice a tiny IR camera pointing at you, in your bed, at the apartment you found on Craigslist.
You wouldn't believe how many pro-life stickers, and "show us your tits" signs there are between here and Dallas.
I've needed to start drinking protein shakes to keep up with her. It's like my dick just started doing crossfit.
I don't really care where everyone ended up, but is everyone alive and not in jail?
Not in jail
Alive?
I told you naked hot tub wrestling would turn bad now one of us has a gash on the head and another a black eye
So apparently my bro is going to make me fix his tattoo this trip... He sent me a pic of said tattoo. Tattoo is of a sperm, on his penis, which was in a woman's mouth... Wth
This is the weekend we were supposed to be in Vegas making bad decisions hoping no one got VD, not stuck at home for the 900th day in a row
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