my mom just informed me that i masturbate loudly
You screamed 'pound me, you big thick stud.' I looked around for porn cameras.
Shut up. I did not.
I really wish I was making that up.
I put it into a sports analogy for him: there are three teams in the league- friends, fuck buddies, and dating, and the fuck buddies roster is full, pick an alternate team
Getting high on the stoop of a brownstone in the middle oh harlem. Doesn't get much more hey arnold than this.
you know that annoying kid in my psych class? accidentally hit him in the face with a door today. perfect end to the semester.
Eating in charleston sc at a seafood place called "hymans". Like normal I had no problem finding it.
So many people have lost their virginity on my futon... I think it is only the right thing to bronze it and put it on display
It's that "make a Pringle and Twinkie sandwich" kind of depression.
They called it unicorn pee, and i thought that was interesting so i drank it. Please don't let me drink strangers booze again.
But he was wearing a glow-in-the-dark condom. It was like a glowing rod of kryptonite. I can't resist that, kryptonite is my weakness.
...I'm not a booty call or a pizza...you can't just call/text and expect to be eating me in an hour..
All I know is I was bleeding, she was bleeding, we stole someone's Lucky Charms, and then I made you guys order a pizza
New drinking game idea: Take a shot for every republican you see on facebook bitching about the ruling.
I went to steal condoms from your room and all I could find was chik fil a sauce
Family acid trip. They're welcoming me into the family.
What. The. Fuck.
Family acid trip.
Randomize
