Bro, I met the coolest hottest chick tonight and she has the hottest friends.
Where are you?
Strip Club
Lesson learned: don't hide your vodka in your little brothers toy box.
You found Muppets From Space a little too intense, so you just sorta sat on the ground and stared at the wall plug for an hour and a half.
I'm at the grocery store buying monistat and corn nuts. thank god for self check out.
After he came inside me, he made us hold hands and pray that I wasn't pregnant.
Just saw my bank statement. It literally goes liquor store pizza place liquor store pizza place bar bar bar liquor store pizza place 711 for snacks withdrawl for drugs rinse and repeat
Are you still goin to the xmas party?
Yaaaa why?
Jus making sure i will have nice people i know to put a blanket over me when i pass out in the field .
I am lonely and I want to touch your beard
I didn't know he had a girlfriend until after we had sex when he said, "Man I really gotta stop cheating on my girlfriend."
I know my whole body feels like I belly flopped onto concrete. Seriously need to tone it down for a while
His penis contains the glue that keeps this relationship together.
I am disappointed by everyone's lack of ability to dance on a stripper pole:(
Fucking that physical therapist guy was the best decision I ever made.
He had a flex off with himself in the mirror but he thought it was someone else for at least 20minutes.
Your boyfriend being in jail is really helping my social life! #GotASingleDrinkingBuddyAgain
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