I wonder if all of the nights I blacked out will be revealed to me when I die. Have you ever thought about that?
just found my calculator watch from 6th grade. the hipster transformation is complete
Just watched a guy pause a bluetooth convo to puke outside of esso. gotta love orangeville
so i made out with some dude last night at the bar. and some girl just stood there and watched. i felt bad so i made out with her too. She looked like she felt left out.
I can hear my liver begging me not to go out tonight
You know it's been a rough year when your therapist mouth is just wide open. And I didn't even get to the real issue!
I just dumped bong water and Bacardi out of my purse into the trash can. Everything in my purse is soaked. I hate Sundays.
I was like wtf you can warn a girl like hey I have a huge dick and I fuck for hours
Someone google feeding your vagina Advil and Neosporin
My head feels like Jesus is projectile vomiting hammers on it
Our first order of business as new roommates was to test the sex acoustics of our rooms. I need a new box spring.
Woke up with a 22 year old with the number for a different girl written on my stomach, almost 30 can suck my dick I still got this shit
You faceplanted on the railroad tracks and when I tried to tell you to get up, you told me you were "taking a quick breather"
what do u think we would be doing right now if we were together
Urinating on unicorns
Arrived home from picking Mom and Nana up at the airport to find Marc buck ass nude beneath the Christmas tree. Nana says she always knew I was queer.
Can we throw a "death to my 20s" party when I turn 30?
Sure. Funeral attire and hard liquor
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