I cockslap morals
He gave me a pearl necklace on top of my Karma necklace I was wearing. I guess I deserve whats coming to me.
In the middle of fucking me, she said "Hold on, I need my Hulk hands."
Do you remember anything yesterday that led to needing a cup of couscous in my closet?
i mad aa ber float. budweiser nd ice creem. it amzig.
Someone just took a shot from my crotch. I should not have to drive home
he suggested we do it doggy style cuz it was his dead dogs birthday...i had to do it
My heart stopped for a sec, but I snorted what I believe was cocaine off the floor, and I'm back in the fight
Sometimes I just want to serenade his penis with cheesy 80s songs.
Just so you know.. If you ever cheat on me, i will cut your dick and fingers off and post them as my cover photo on Facebook. Love you.
I'm currently on an epic search all over the city for a drug store that isn't sold out of Plan B. I celebrated your birthday from afar.
Between the deep breathing and nipple piercings , I thought I was in the twilight zone
she just sent our roommates a message asking them for a parakeet. are you gonna call later?
Sorry about peeing on your phone last night
I’d clean the kitchen before making food. Mark “rang in the New Year” with some rando in there last night
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