dude...i just woke up in ****'s bed!
doesn't he have a girlfriend???
yeah...who do you think woke us up...
i have a new swear word: supercalifuckaliciousexpialadamnit
omg, I know. It's so embarrassing that we've both had his penis in parts of our bodies
Hey a mouth doesn't really count. A vagina counts more.
I got a handjob from a sober married woman in a parking lot in the middle of the day, yet you still cant manage to get laid by a drunk single slut at the bar at 1am. Wtf
The dog just did a longer kegstand than anyone at the party
She soaked the fruit in vodka for ten minutes and then mixed it with normal fruit and sherbert icecream. It was called "lottery fruit".
He's eating a cream cheese sandwich. He's obviously distressed.
The fact that its 530pm and I'm saying to myself I should sober up since I'm at a family establishment should say enough
say 'i' if you broke up a fight involving your father at TD bank today....
MASS TEXT! MASS TEXT! Your sad horny friend has finally gotten it in and can go back to being normal once again. You're welcome.
In a strange taxi 3059. Battery dying I'm dying. Bye.
You asked the bartender if she was trying to get you drunk. She cut you off after that.
He called me khaleesi while I rode his dick. He wins
If by whore you mean UPGRADE....then yes I am
I feel like 20 angels jizzed in my mouth. This cupcake is DELICIOUS!
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