I start off june hungover/still drunk stumbling down my driveway with the trashcan at 6am..it's gonna be an interesting month
A guy on the street just growled at me and said damnnnn. Sometimes it scares me how attractive i am.
so she sprained her ankle somehow and her friend had to carry her out while all 7 of us watched. do we even need to vote on that or is that automatic induction into the hall of shame?
you went all the way to UK and still managed to hook up with someone from our highschool...
It's like even though I'm not in college anymore my body still knows it's September and is putting itself into competitive binge drinking mode.
If I were you I'd use my green card to do more coke and less talking
His idea of role playing was him wearing the halloween mitt romney mask while I gave him head
Why did I wake up with condoms on all my fingers?
Considering the girl you hooked up with, I'd be concerned about not having one on your penis.
Jungle juice turns everything into a pickup line. All I said was "do you play chess" and somehow I got laid.
I'm the kind of girl who misses her mouth when trying to eat, do you honestly think I'm coordinated enough to wear heels during sex?
i just looked at those "hey" messages and i was so confused and then i remembered we were practicing texting with our tongues.
ditto.
about cumming, not toast
Last night at a party someone grabbed my ass so I just fucking punched them in the face then went home and ate a frozen pizza
The walk of shame was so much longer today. i have to start fucking guys in my own postcode.
Yeah but the jokes on her right? We just got a new couch and hers still has a cum stain on it from like six months ago
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