Ehh boy. FML. she was unattractively large.
i just took a sip of diet coke and i said " as soon as it hits my lips i wanna smoke a cig." then i thought of your dick.
i just masturbated with purell and my dick burns and smells like a hospital
and i think we compared dick sizes, then high fived...
She's hidden vodka up her skirt and is riding a parking meter. Things can only get better
My mom is purposely blasting Shania Twain downstairs so I can't jack off.
Should we pre-order food to the ER for cinco de mayo?
If I ever die and svu has to come to my murder scene make sure they know I don't wear underwear always so it might not be as bad as they think
My Saturday dick is so much more impressive than my Tuesday dick.
I'm texting you the word "cockring" because I feel it hasn't been said enough throughout our friendship.
showering high made me realize that i should seriously reconsider my career path... id be a damn good hair shampooer & head massager
After walking ten blocks barefoot in Boston I've concluded drunk me needs to make better decisions.
I didn't even respond. Just letting the crazy settle before I calmly fuck his shit up.
In all the years we have had drunk sex, have we ever done it in a bed?
She said I can't embarrass her, the challenge has been set
Randomize
