Well for one thing, she was eating rice with a shot glass.
His hospital is closing...I consider it "sorry you're losing your job" sex.
Just wandered into a surprise final. Only a surprise for me though. I wish I could say this is the first time this has happened.
i think i just put your shirt on , but i don't remember . my body can't decide if it wants to move in slow motion or fast forward
at roughly 3:30am you called me saying you were gonna start a big game of strip twister in politics class and i was your partner.
Whiskey shot with bacon bits, our version of Goldschlager WE ARE TRYIN IT.
more embarrassing than that time i showed up to class in my hoodie and leggings because i over slept, and then as i zipped my hoodie down i realized i didn't sleep with a bra on or a shirt
The great part about clubs is that you can fart everywhere and nobody knows! The bad part is I'm on e and i have nobody to fondle.
Saved a second guy who was crying/on the verge of wigging out. Just call me the drug whisperer.
SKIIIIIIIIIIII, trip mo foes! Let-ith the epic- ness begin ith. Heroes go forth, nAy Sayers fuckin die. This is for the good of mankind! See you on the morrow
Apologies to the number who did not expect to get this but certainly be jealous of us.
My brother walked up to us as we were making out and was like "hey man, go to town!" and winked
Drunk sperm are not productive sperm.
Few clarical questions about last night: 1. How did we get home? 2. Am I wearing your underwear? 3. Where is Andrea? 4. Guy with nose ring last night hot?
1. You tried hitch hiking "like a pro" and flashed cars while sticking out your thumb until I called Michael. 2. I don't know but probably. 3. Who is Andrea? 4. Hot.
They gave my sperm a pep talk after they found out we were trying.to have.a baby.
Just went to jump into bed... Completely missed the bed.
Randomize
