Ok let's jusst not talk today bc then we'll just do dangerous things but I'll say hello
i bet even starving children in Africa take the crust off their poptarts
we found you in the closet, clutching coats that werent yours for stability
drunken yoga. on the beach. senior week. you have been chosen <3
I know I'm not the first to fuck in a park but i deserve props for doing it at 3pm. On a sunny day might I add.
That's why I don't chug things. Because when I was a freshman in college tequila came out my nose.
2 more and I will have fucked 75 percent of my acting class. best. elective. ever.
Idk tell her to wear something sluttty. I have that one skirt I got arrested in if she wants to borrow?
He told me he wanted a penis beard so that he could look at girls faces when they gave him blowjobs. i have to say, i kind of admire his creativity
I am so proud of him. After eating the rest of our shrooms, he finally registered to vote
They just built a gym in the same parking lot as my favorite bar. Drunk me is gonna be so excited.
LinkedIn just suggested I might know the guy I caught my wife fucking.
That moment when you notice a tiny IR camera pointing at you, in your bed, at the apartment you found on Craigslist.
I may forget my underwear, but you can count on me for drugs and plan b
I just shaved my legs via the sink as to not wake my parents up because I know I'll be having marathon sex tomorrow after my certification exam... so this is life after college.
Randomize
