Dub. In the bra. Dub in the bra.
tonight would not even compare to the night i tried to pee in the living room
Theres a note on my antibiotics that says "Do not chew or crush. Swallow whole." I think that would be a good tattoo for just above my penis.
Dude how the fuck are we gonna get the lawnmower outta the pool?
The bartender laughed but the manager kicked me out when the mom conplained. There's no way my fart harmed that baby in any way
Woke up with my face in a bowl of cereal. This is tequila's way of saying fuck you.
I have a question: does pizza dipped in chili sound good or am I just really high?
i'm about to tell me dad "sorry staying in isnt an option. i'm fucking a marine tonight."
Its a good night to get drunk in my onesie.
We were fucking at break-dick speeds.
I totally left my shirt at your house. Also I think I high fived your cactus last night
I remember saying your puke looked like a jellyfish and you got very offended.
Whether ya want it or not, it's gonna happen. Assimilate to the gay
I think I'm gonna cut my hair just so I stop waking up with semen in it
Well, I was arguably the most sober adult in the house by 1 in the afternoon, so I'd say Superbowl Shitshow was a success.
Randomize
