he whipped it out and it smelt like my toilet after taco Tuesday
Covered in glitter and dick. 2010 feels a lot like 2009.
I just found out that the liquid capacity of my breasts is 700ml each. I should not be left alone at home when drunk.
martini and pecan pie.. breakfast of champions.
CHAZ BONO WILL BE ON THE NEXT SEASON OF DANCING WITH THE STARS.
Internet Is back!
MY NEWS TRUMPS YOURS.
Yeah. I had to take off my shirt. It's soaked in weakness.
Are you still feeling it? I'm in the bathtub. The water doesn't work but it's okay because I'm wearing pants.
He also ordered me a vibrator last week, so the flowers kind of balance it out
I know I'm high, but the dude in target definitely just told me that it's best to walk through every door in life like you're a t-rex....
I think I'm at a stage of my life where I subconsciously purposefully fuck everything up just to see if I can find a way out of it.
i just want to die with dignity and clean teeth, is that too much to ask?
Sitting in a waiting room with 15 children has me contemplating if I ever want to have sex again...
I finally got my restraining order in the mail. Was that supposed to upset me? I'm just over here like "TELLEM BOY BYE!-\nlegally..."
Omg worst high ever. I'm watching Parks and Rec, and all i can think about is how andy, leslie, and tom are my closest friends. Forever alone.
I get so pissed when there is something that NEEDS to be made fun of and you're not here.
Randomize
