Ramen noodles and uncensored jerry springer episodes, what a nice life i have.
Can you get arrested or in trouble for punching a dead relative in a casket?
I just scratched behind my ear and found icing. Fuck you.
I knew shit got real when the pinapple was gone and people were just passing around the core and gnawing on it.
The fact that he is from Canada is way more embarrassing than the fact that you met him on match.com
Oh god I may vomit into the teacup of debauchery.
Well I let her practice her tattooing on me. This shaky dragon on my arm says Im getting laid.
And then he said he would build me a mountain dew water fountain
Marry him now.
Found a piece of twizzler in my buttcrack.
Landen experienced Greenville for the first time last night. He was awaken by 2 cops and 4 EMS guys this morning in the bed of that truck that is for sale at the swashbuckler carwash, said he was trying to walk to waffle house... Greenville- 1, Landen- 0
My brother just text me asking if I was ready for the blowjob of my life.
Had to take him to the ER for not only alcohol poisoning but for stepping on a firecracker. Happy 4th holy fuck
They need to eat meat, go down on me the first time, every time, and know how to pull my hair. And there's a height requirement for this ride
Next time you decide to go downstairs hungover, please warn me. I now have to explain to twenty eight year olds why you were naked.
Just saw a hotel with a bunch of mattresses in the parking lot. Made me think of you.
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