Where is the hickey?
my mom heard me say 'don't squirt that at me' while me & him were in my room. She then decided to call my aunt and complain to her that she has the sluttiest daughter in town. she refused to believe me when i told her i was talking about gel.
I'm with your mom on this one.
i think the next time he gets me off i'm going to scream bangarang
ru fi oooo
you humped every kiosk in the store. then you asked for an application.
You missed out on a serious adventure. Cops were called. We put a chicken in someones house.
Why did 20 jello shots in a row sound like a good idea last night?
I'm pretty sure when you walk down Broadway and can pick out people you've slept with.. It might be a problem. I'm leaving for rehab tomorrow.
I don't think I even want to know why you are sending my husband pictures of your nutsack.
So, I'm tripsitting Ruben cause he's on LSD, and he's starting to eat the chair because 'it is evil' according to him... I can't choose: should I stop him or film it?
I'm sure it's not the worst thing to ever come out of my ass
So hungover. Have a black eye from where I tried to brush my teeth and stabbed myself in the eye instead. Should make the performance review I was stress drinking about go so much better.
You just kept screaming "PLEASE YELL CORNDOG AT HIM. PLEASE. CORNDOG."
Holy. Fuck. This mans mouth is magical. I love married men. I don't have to teach them.
Was asked out on a date tonight on Linked In. That creepy genius at apple that touched my butt one time in the back stairwell. I thinks it's fair to say I've hit rock bottom.
Looks like I accidentally stole two of your beers and left my pants at your place.
How did you leave without pants?
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