i literally laid in bad for an hour last night thinking of what i'm going to name my cats when i become a cat lady.
I'm wearing an NBA shooting sleeve while jerking off...and yes my arm has stayed warm
found a naked boy completely buried under a pile of her clothes and terrified...she says she was "saving him for later"
Theres dried jager, barbecue sauce and frie remnants all over my front seat.
I maybe just had sex outside in broad daylight. At a state park. Please be proud.
Boxed wine mondays was one of our finer ideas
yeah they are definitely having sex in that car. joe just yelled through the window telling them to do the "titanic hand print thing"
Look, as a friend I'm asking to see a picture of his tiny dick
He said I was the "egg mcmuffin" of blowjobs. I'm flattered.
Probably twitter. Never underestimate a psycho girl with wifi
Some old chick is rubbing my thigh and saying she needs some Memorial Day dick. Her teeth are kind of gross but I'm going for it.
Don't be the guy that has his dick out at work.
When you accidentally text the wrong guy for a dick pic and your surprised you get one In return. He just got on my "to do" list
It's like if you wanna bond just do a ropes course or have group sex you don't have to be weird about it
He fucked me so hard my contacts fell out! Didnt know that was possible.
Randomize
