i may or may not have been spotted by tourists while getting head in the vicinity of the jefferson memorial
I wish I could rss feed the hooker ads on craigslist because it looks suspicious that I check craigslist every hour.
Single schmingle. No one actually obeys the relationship boundaries these days. Its 2009.
i got turned down by a girl after she saw how big my penis was and she said "thats not goin in me"
WISH UPON A TAMPON
They constantly get farther than me.
tampons.
well i just set every background of each phone in the verizon store to my face
my mothers day present is going to be not puking at the table during brunch
As punishment for throwing up on my car, I am holding your phone hostage until the morning. You can read this message after I drop it off.
Not many best friends can say they've all made out with a homeless guy
TAKE ALL THE MAERHMALLOWS AND PUT THEM ALL IN THE MAGICAL NIGHTSTAND
Europe's "the final countdown" was playing. It was pretty much amnesty for anything that might happen the rest of the night. It's a rule.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to hit on your nurse while getting an HIV test.
Is buying her a loofah for my house commitment like? I don't wanna give the wrong idea
I fucking love your mom. She's so drunk and fully functional. I aspire to be her one day.
just reached the point where my breast implants paid from themselves in free drinks.
Randomize
