I wanna fuck padma even more now that she's preggers. Is that sick?
Yes but- 100% agreed
My valentine's day: watching The Notebook, and porn, eating chocolate, and ice cream. All while jacking off.
Wow... you've managed to cover all of the sad girl stereotypes that exist.
sorry for making everyone realize you look like bruce jenner
Bottle rocket just missed my head by about 3 inches. Of course I'm being safe
oh and then you called a time out with your penis
thanks for celebrating my birthday so severely 2 years ago. i just found your hospital discharge papers in my closet.
anything for my little brother.
Just found a uh poem I wrote on ambien. It says to "cry your seamen filled tears" and "I hope you take a dagger to your vagina" and at the end it says "sincerely, God". What.the.fuck do they put in that pill?
Rule number one to being a good adult: don't use your vagina as an icebreaker. Just some wisdom I thought I'd pass down from experience.
I DON'T EVEN KNOW ONE MINUTE IM SITTING HER THE NEXT IM FLYING PASSED THE MOON
PISSING MYSELF IN ZERO GRAVITY
THOSE AIN'T STARS U SEE TONIGHT GURL
Trying to roll joints on a seadoo in the middle of a lake on a windy night. -Juststonerthings
How are you supposed to wish the guy you send nudes to good luck for the first day of his new job??
His balls will have been in my mouth at least once by this time tomorrow.
She is still out of it but keeps saying ur name she said to tell u dinosaurs aren't real but biscuit with a z made bad choices
the guy in front of me in walmart is buying a blowtorch, potato chips, and condoms. I'm curious and horrified at the same time.
Despite how often it occurs, I have absolutely no interest in having sex with myself
Randomize
