Gettin pulled over, can you watch my dog and pay the bils for a while?
i woke up to 115 texts from him all saying "do you love me??"
hows that letter of apology to the waitress at waffle house coming?
He had to pee in the sink beside my head because the girl that I was taking care of was passed out on the toilet. To answer your question: yes i took a peek. Thats why we hooked up later.
It's horrible of you to say your above all this when the bar uses your drunk picture to scare people.
i just added no after every hockey player in my phone..
The last thing I remember is ordering two Martinis while yelling 'CAN YOU PUT THAT IN ONE GLASS?'
All you need to do now is invest in a Speedo and start going door to door.
Bored at work. googling vodka waffles.
I slid a quarter down a drunk man's butt crack last night. Qdoba gets rowdy
My life has evolved from screwing randos, ok?
at this point, i'm only going to therapy to get more free condoms
My mom is worried I'm not eating enough protein so she's sending me 48 cans of tuna. That's not a typo.
I'm like a bad decision making factory. I need to sit down and have a chat with my decision making elves.
Yes, the maid of honor did just deep throat the mic during the toast. How do I follow that?
Randomize
