She made the grapes disappear! ALL OF THEM!!!
No, drunk sperm still make babies.
no. you can't hotbox the world.
I just found out you can file for divorce online. I love America.
having to delete all your hookups stored in your phone as first name followed by frat/bar after they've graduated is such a bittersweet feeling
New game: Step 1) Turn on ESPN. Step 2) Drink every time someone says "LeBron."
Im about to shotgun a beer using my mother's knitting needles. home sweet home.
hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking if you had a pulse
Why were you not born a dude?
Because god wanted to level the playing field
At this point in job hunting, I'm willing to become a leather daddy if it means some sort of income.
Hey, if a dude can't randomly belt out Whitney Houston tunes from time to time, is life really worth living??
He's got the good dick trifecta - flip phone, works outside, bed with no headboard.
he literally walked in took a shit and left ringing the 'great service' bell on the way out.
If hypothetically I needed to puke on the bus... how would I go about doing this.
He ate me out in a golf cart while I watched the sunset. You are so right, golf skirts do provide amazing access.
Randomize
