apparently i started the naked brigade. and depantsed everyone who wasn't naked. her parents must hate me.
Please fuck him. And then let me tell her. And then let me protect you from the knife she pulls from her Ed Hardy purse. Please.
i told them to call me paula dean as i was making all 10 for $10 boxes of pizza rolls in the microwave
im just going to wait until i dont feel like the grim reaper is having sex with me
He added me on Facebook. I'm pretty sure he got my name from the inside of the bra I had lost in the frat house.
got into a fight with a bouncer over who's moustache is better again last night...
Just saw a cop give four blondes gas for their car on their way to Vegas. They seriously ran out of gas and called 911 about it. Its like a porno plot.
You were hanging upside down on the subway with your feet in the stirrup handle bars. the children were amused.
I feel like that needs to be the last time i end a text with "fuck them i love tequila".
Woke up w/ the same freshman as last Saturday but we were sober this time. Is that a relationship?
You text him a porn site address and said GOODBYE ... I think he got the hint
I don't think I'm allowed to have Burger King. What if i just chew for taste and not actually consume. Like a wine connoisseur for fast food
Just trying to get my dicks in a row.
I can still taste the Jäger. I'm gonna shoot myself.
For some reason, my alarm clock was unplugged & in the kitchen microwave. I don't remember doing that...
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