I can hear the grilled cheese talking to me. "Let me in there!" they wanna get inside me
i just woke up with two martini umbrellas taped to my nipples... idk how they got there
Okay you totally passed out. Ask me about the bike parking garage and the expired baby formula in the morning.
he recorded me cumming with the t-pain app on his iphone
I go to guys houses late at night, have a little fun, come back by dawn having made their life a little bit better. I am the official blow job fairy.
the only thing keeping me going right now is the knowledge that in 2 hours i'll be drunk at the circus.
Just watched a deer get gangbanged in my front yard by 5 bucks. Wtf animal kingdom
It summer and it's getting a lot harder to hide sex bruises from my parents.
First world problems?
I think I met somebody from your birthday this past weekend. He said I held a push up contest outside the bar and told them I would make out with the winner. He said he won..
She could makes a perfectt roast dinner drunk but she nearly sets the kitchen alight microwaving popcorn.
dude...i punched my best friend in the face, broke up with my girlfriend, and shit my pants.......now i don't know which one to take care of first.
If you don't wanna wax my ass just say so.
I need a beard to bite.
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like running into your ex boyfriend at the liquor store at 3 in the afternoon.
Certain restrictions may apply. Common side effects of sex with me include unbridled joy, a healthy glow, soreness and the inability to walk for short to long amounts of time. If any of these side effects occur please consult your physician, so he/she can prescribe me a "high-five".
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