32 messages asking me to suck his dick. And there for a minute i thought i was desperate. ha!
Hahahaha
make that 40.
im 80% sure the guy across from me is taking pictures of my legs
I just heard a girl in all seriousness say, "I told him I'm not a stalker. I just really really want to talk to him."
consequently i now know what mace tastes like
Somehow after we left in 3 different cars to all go to different places we still all ended up in the emergency room
Looking at an apartment in Houston. It's right beside my favorite bar and the zoo. Best or worst decision?
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
I'll pretend I don't know she's blind, my morals claimed the back seat in this adventure.
Got to work this morning and thought... Did I really dance on that pole last night
When she said "Tighten your safety belt and hold on!", that should have been a clear sign to me that one should never go off-roading in a rental car. On the bright side, they were able to tow her car out the next morning.
There's lube on my homework. #priorities
Dude, I'm at a wedding and there's a mashed potato bar and bacon strip appetizers. I'm getting all emotional.
I offered to trade my cat for a bottle of tequila as long as it had a handle on it and realized I had a problem
The usual, icing my vag with a chimichanga.
I was so high I forgot how to swallow food, and I just kept thinking "thank god its just mashed potatoes, they'll go down eventually"
Randomize
