I texted him to clear the air a bit, apologized if I freaked him out. No reply. So I'm gonna go ahead and fuck someone in a barn tonight.
sitting next to michael phelps in the airport. wonder if he's carrying...
okay I may or may not have wrapped my body pillow up in your t-shirt and sprayed it with your axe and am now spooning with it.
again? I'm starting to get a little creeped out now.
he broke off your car antennae to use as a walking stick before he smoked because he claimed to lack the facial strength needed to open his eyes when he's high
Went home drunk last night and peed on my Christmas tree, my mothers going to fucking kill me
You tried tipping the cashier at Cook Out by shoving a dollar bill down his shirt and yelling "Magic Mike"
I learned so much about myself in that shower.
I'm ready to sell my soul to the strip club tonight
Did you go to church in Texas and sign me up?
You need southern Jesus
I also point out to everyone that she looks like DJ's gf on Roseanne.
He wouldn't shut up so I started sending him pictures of animal dicks
i woke up on someones kitchen floor, and i used the gps in my phone to find my way home. im really glad you forgot about me.
He's really cute...He stopped talking to me because i pulled my skirt up and peed in a demi plie position...
I swear to god, I'm like....the Jedi master of dick.
you said you heard a baby, so i told you to go feed it. you came back 2 hours later with a pizza and when i asked you where the baby went you pointed to the pizza and puked.
Randomize
