Whats contracted in vegas does not stay in vegas....
he just said he'd buy the porn
its a step up from the last guy
Am I undercharging for one hour of sex per essay? I need a serious business answer.
We got the possum out of our house. We built a maze with our empty kegs and chased it with brooms.
She just tried to talk over a fart. The fart was way longer than the sentence she originally wanted to say so she just added gibberish to the end. Gross
hotboxing with the ex-bf's two most recent hookups. they just realized they're eskimo sisters with his best friend. this is what happens when I come home for Christmas.
and here comes the time of my day when I haw to convince a guy to drive my cape and my handle to my dorm.
Im fairly sure two chicks roofied me last night. Suckers. I love free drugs.
I think you're my mermaid sister. Separated at birth, by sea.
he taught all the little kids to ski. it was stupid hot. i'm pretty sure my ovaries exploded.
he threw an umbrella that he ripped out of the table at the fence like he was harpooning a whale while the owner of the bar was outside then tried to blame it on an old man...
I just found a reminder in my phone to ask you about your sex life in 7 years. So how is that going?
I mean, drunk me really liked him, maybe sober me will too. Who am I to deny fate?
I'm starting to notice a direct correlation between blackouts and broken bones...
Are you still passed out in my back seat, or do I need to come find you?
Randomize
