Her sister's ass was worth my getting thrown out of the house.
low key just jizzed in a chinese food container
When you gave me the first bj i thought 'yep, this girl is going to do great things with her life'
There's nothing like vomiting in the restroom at work to remind you that you're not in college anymore.
I could be wrong, but im pretty sure i jumped off the roof after my lighter.
Wow. He pulled out his dick and I swear I heard a thud from it hitting the floor.
Picture this: me driving down 183 throwing up into a towel. I just hit rock bottom.
Hardly remember what he looks like and the man has seen me passed out spread eagle. I begin this journey with such a disadvantage.
My vagina supports interfraternal relations
Dude you spent 20 minutes on the phone with dominos answering machine trying to order a pizza
It's a 'fuck poison control' kind of night.
The world is a different place when I'm actually having sex
Was just messaged by someone in a Power Ranger suit on OkCupid... Figured you would approve
You were trying to be sexy by spraying your contact solution on your chest and telling me to lick it off
The cure for a hangover evidently is not walking around in a costume in the sun towards of park of screaming children
Randomize
