I forgot to tell you. I'm at a porno shoot today.
she pooed on me. she actually pooed on me.
its awkward enough using a urinal next to your dad but its worse finding out hes one of the guys who goes no hands and moans it out
You mean 'full wolf form' wasn't a drunk text?
What's the protocol on showing a video of me sucking the life out of my ex in order to prove beyond a doubt that I give great head???
found out the liquor store price matches. thus begins senior year of college
I woke up in the closet and then I found my shirt in a bag of Doritos... how does that work out?
the boys love us. they call us "the stoner girl suite down the hall". not very inspired, but flattering nonetheless
There are flashing lights and a man dressed as Santa with a bullhorn in my cul de sac.
I'm not sure if this is awesome or scary.
I had a great time except for the part where you called another guy, told him you were in a cab - not on a date - and that you'd meet him at a bar in 15 minutes. but besides that it was awesome. Next time capping you at two glasses of wine
you should be awarded for your promiscuity.
i really should.
Is it counter productive to ride on my exercise bike with a cocktail in hand?
I seriously thought Satan had his hand up my asshole and was pulling out my soul. Never. Again.
My boss spotted an injured PIGEON outside the front door this morning (at 3:30am) and requested that I catch it and take it to the vet. Catch it with what! Take it where!These requests have gone too far...
Nothing says “I spent too much in Vegas” quite like eating a jar of pickles for dinner and planning on cream of celery soup for breakfast tomorrow.
Randomize
