I really need to learn how to handle sexual advances from older women
I wish I had your problem
You don't have to be drunk! I've licked your asshole before
You wouldn't let me clean the puke off your face because I'd mess up your cat whiskers. Now that's dedication.
I'm sorry. We set two Christmas trees on fire. Also the neighbor's yard. Also ours.
my favorite part of the night was when I was in the bathroom frantically trying to get my cat whiskers and nose off to make hooking up less awkward
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
Besides the flaccid incident, it was decent. Average sized. So this is my life now. Loneliness and lackluster sex.
Starting the weekend with a pair of pants on which the zipper wont stay up. Is this a sign of things to come??
I'm eating captain crunch out of a cup half full of beer so idk
I'm going through a really dark time right now
I don't want to hear it man. I just jerked it to a pic of my ex wife in a bikini. Buck up
My liver appreciates your vow of avoiding matrimony
My apartment is so clean right now, I should invite someone over for sex just so someone can see how clean it is.
I woke up with the gnarliest cold/hangover combo
Thats what u get when u have butt ass naked rooftop sex at night in december
Worth it.
You casually put your finger in my ass and other people are weird..
just had sex in the back of my high school auditorium #dreamcumtrue
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