Sundresses, hats, and big glasses. That is the greatest trick the devil ever taught women.
Cure to hiccups..road head..high five
He is going overseas for 8 months, not only was that blowjob a going away present, but i was supporting the troops
You'd think me telling him that I'm a lesbian would make him realize that I don't want to hook up with him.
Drunk wheelbarrow races might make the top 10 list of dumb shit weve done. Especially considering all the broken glass around...
Get over here. It's an emergency. Just realized I haven't hd my mouth on a penis in two weeks. Get over here.
I'm off the liquor
You're forefathers are ashamed of you. They didn't struggle to make it to America so that you could become a soft dick
Dude, you bit through my nipple. Give it a week, damn.
oh man that would be weird.. i feel like we should do dirty things before anything super intimate like a massage.
You 2012 self promised me that you would do LSD with me, and it's 2015 now. So.
Plus, I'm basically a doctor, so what could go wrong.
Fuck you and your widespread penis snapchat
It is such a beautiful day to not be arrested
I need a beard to bite.
I made an executive decision to rename my Resume file to something other than MONEYMONEYMONEY.
So then I got so stoned I sat and took my pulse for 10 minutes.
Randomize
