3 of us had 22 margaritas. Hellllllo yellow cab. Goodbye morals.
So he thought it would be a nice gesture to show me his list of girls he fucked. There was 70. We then went through and put "V"'s next to all the ones that were virgins...
I had to go to the front counter of the restaurant and ask for the key because I was "pretty sure my friend is passed out in the bathroom right now"
So if we break up over this are you still gonna come over and do my dishes?
Also I hooked up with a trainer at my gym. Between her, the married chick, and the bartender, my life is becoming a bad porn plot.
I like to think of it as a lesbian feast.
There's a really old guy here with a really young girl. I'm guessing he has to make choo choo train noises to get his dick in her mouth.
I think I died last night. I had 14 beers..well 13 1/2 if you count the one that got spilled on the baby in the elevator.
they paper machayed me.
i told you ... never pass out drinking with preschool teachers.
Some idiot from high school is in the hospital for bonging three beers up his ass
He should have died. Natural selection.
Lol, you asked the waitress to box up someone else's discarded food last night
fuck off. It's 10am and I'm drink gin and ginger ale through a twizzler straw. My life is marvellous
Just had a smooth transition from sexting to buffalo chicken dip 😂😂😂
Your skills amaze me
You're a disaster
Wanna date?
i'm really sorry, but i'm just not sober enough to make good decisions.
Randomize
