That girl would be way hotter if she changed her face.
There is something depressing about eating toast in a dark living room by myself using a paper plate that says: "Let's Party!"
Plus you know he's just 2 semesters and 4 glasses of wine away from "experimenting" with some French major
I made mike pull over so I could lay in the grass. He made me get up cuz I looked dead and people were passing. It was like 6:30am.
So I commented on one of his pictures "who do I have to give a full effort blow job to, to get the Ides of March movie poster behind you" he responded with a number that wasn't his. I still texted it. I love that movie.
When the question of, do you know who's ass has been on the cake you are eating is said... Good or bad party?
Phone sex soon? I mean date. Sex date. Date phone.
all 3? possibly?
I think I'm up to the challenge.
I heard that clinking noise from behind me and I already knew you were whipping out a Smirnoff in class. Again.
Just got a message on OkCupid from a 20-year-old who has "Momma's Boy" tattoed across his chest and thinks the earth is bigger than the sun.
Is it possible to rally from a drunken seizure?
this one kid was speed-mumbling about putting broccoli in the printer
It's six am and her daughter just walked in on her mom and roomful of naked people playing strip spoons. glad Im apart of that childhood memory....
Just got a Lifeproof case for Christmas so hold on and tell me how my shower nudes look
The only people who really get me are strippers and mascots for sports teams.
wtf guys I thought we agreed on no more knives. So much for not destroying the house
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