Trimmed my pubes and broke your paper shredder. Separate events.
no, its his 'welcome back from rehab' party.
yea, the bartender wouldn't serve you because you kept asking for "a slice of beer"
He did not want a thank you for helping me move in bj. I don't know how to thank him now.
Just found the cutest bag of coke under my bed. I'm going to get fucked up and bleach the cat vomit out of my sheets.
She described me as " a caterpillar of adorable quietness that exploded into a slutty butterfly" She definitely nailed it there
In honor of Sarah Palin's bday I suggest we watch Nailing Palin
His grandma held his dogs so they wouldn't follow me out the door. It was like a whole new level added to my walk of shame.
My night started to turn around the time I started calling her a "raggedy cunt".
Somehow she got that I meant it as a term of endearment.
Highlight of the weekend: getting roundhouse kicked in the dick while switching from reverse cowgirl.
We are gonna sacrifice to and pray to every god in this world that he doesn't find out about her sleeping with his old roommate.
We knew we were dealing with a pro when some random guy at the bar thew you over his shoulder and you still didn't spill your drink
Strangely enough, that's not the first time that's happened
I woke up with my earring stuck inbetween my tits. Somehow you fucked my earring out and my boobs saved it. I'm pretty impressed with both of us right now.
I called plan parenthood at 407 am... Guess I was thinking ahead
Dude. I just got a visual of u climbing over a bathroom stall to save my life.
Randomize
