HIV tests are more positive than that guy
5 years of college and never once did they teach us how to respond when you overhear a group of 7th grade boys who are in your class talking about how you're definitely DTF
children are so perceptive these days... and horny
god please explain to me why there's blood underneath my fingernails AND toenails?!?!
Dude To be completely honest I don't think you want me to.
why is there a picture of someone wearing Tevas with socks taped on the wall?
we sang "a whole new world" together. either he's my gay best friend or the love of my life.
He taped the number 420 over all of his clocks
Some girl at the bar was showing us her chipped tooth as a pick up line.
If it snows I'm just gonna sit at my house in my costume and drink beer by myself all night.
I feel like we should actually go to church one of these days to thank god for saving us from herpes and babies.
All I've had today is a brownie and a shot of Jack, so you know. I'm doing ok.
I dont think ive ever had a drunk day betray me so hard before
not totally sure where im at but i think i've definitely woken up on this couch before. bong on the coffee table looks familiar. should be able to find my way home
I asked the full emergency room who else was there because of homecoming and every single person raised their hand
yo knit me an eyepatch. but also make it usable as a thong
Turns out I hooked up with a chick who has lupus. I don't know if that's a bucket list thing or not, but it's now on mine. Check.
Randomize
