and trust me i need no booty pop lessons
Let's just have a brief moment of silence for my dignity before we start tonight
I realized today that I should stop thinking so much with my vagina instead of my brain.
Please tell me this doesn't mean another "surprise road trip" where I spend all my money on gas and the SURPRISE destination is the abortion clinic.
But what if I pay for the gas?
You're surprisingly coherent for someone who thinks her couch is breathing.
I puked in the coffee maker. I wouldn't make coffee tomorrow morning if I were you
does it still count as break up sex if it's 4 months later? sorry i'm just looking for an excuse to fuck him.
Well, as a member of the greater american southwest gay community I just have to mark this as a total loss and you will be missed.
He's asking if he can send a dick pic. How do I politely decline that?
I like you as a friend, but I'm in love with your dick.
Went to bed with a bowl of spaghetti O's on my chest, I make my own breakfast in bed. New level of laziness
WHY IS HE GONE WHEN I ACTUALLY HAVE THE AMOUT OF ESTROGEN TO HUMP A SQUIRREL?!?!
There are people taking shots out of a turtle shell.
I probably should have waited until after the game to pity fuck him. You know, seeing as we lost.
Fuck you, if it wasn't for us going to the city, she would be using me as a human sex toy all day.
Your participation in the democratic process makes me horny AF
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