seagrams + popov + pineapple + milk. there, ur search for worlds worst drink is over. you're welcome
apparently vodka and oj turns green when you throw it up
basic color theory
VITAMINS IN VODKA. IM NOT LYING.
explain the missing patches of hair on my cat. now.
Somehow after we left in 3 different cars to all go to different places we still all ended up in the emergency room
He looked down at his phone and screamed "I'M NOT A DAD!" and then bought the entire bar a round
I was puzzled last night that there were shots waiting for us when we got there. Just read my messages and saw you were ordering from the bar via texts.
There was a staple in my grits at waffle house last night. My knees are bruised as hell. And I puked pink all over my bathroom. Gooood night.
Noooo. We thought it would be funny for him to wake up buried in the sand. But we just remembered about the whole high tide thing and it's dark and it's pretty damn hard to find an unconscious head sticking out of the sand. Just help us out
Because of his penis, I can't even look at a hot dog
I have good news and bad news. Bad news, she's not in porn. Good news, I found porn.
This is like a walk of shame down memory lane.
He corrected my spelling during sexting.
I’m pregaming Christmas shopping with grandma. What’s up?
You're lucky I'm holding your vagina in my best interests
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