Mom and Dad are dead. Trust fund
My e-date is really photogenic. Real-life not so much
mustard is like jesus in yellow tights
if it were possible I'd exchange my vagina for a diff one on the black market.
I don't think its a good idea if I moon a whole bar again
duuuude the clock in this car says its 85 past 19.
dear god, who put you in a cab?
That's the point of day drinking, get fucked up by 6pm so you can get stuff done the next day. It's the adult thing to do.
For the amount of money I just spent on my dogs toe, I could have fucked the entire B squad at a low end strip club.
Omg, those nutella cakes are heavenly, like licking the nipples of a muscular black Jesus.
Two really nice girls helped clean the taco out of my hair.
i know it looks like there's pee in the mayo jar in the fridge but i promise it's just apple juice that wouldn't fit in the jug after i added the booze.
I decided we werent gonna go for round 5 when he started trying to have a serious conversation about how blessed he is to have such a nice penis
He has a point, the man's penis is a legend.
I come into the house and he's fucking doing karaoke by himself... Lady gaga
You took the glass microwave plate and said it was the closest thing to a frisbee, let me know how that works out for you
You fucked him, didn’t you?
He showed up at my house with tacos, rum and a negative Covid test. Of course I fucked him. I’m just a simple girl that likes tacos, not Margaret Thatcher!
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