Yes. It's so easy to pack to leave when you've thrown away half your clothing cause it smells like vomit.
We were naked in his bed when he asked me "what should we do?"
If I brought two seashells to Lowe's, do you think that they'd drill two holes in each shell for me? I need to be a mermaid on Saturday...
Attn every girl I've slept with in the past 26 years of my life. One of you cunts gave me herpes. This is the 4th of 5 group MMS. That's right. It's in the 50s. There are two girls I don't have #s for. One was on a cruise and the other was a prostitute in Amsterdam. So which of you has herpes?
you shall refer to me as my indian name from now on...running with dumb cunts
I have a cat, a bottle of wine, and a Brazilian man. I need to catch you up on my life
It was fine until he came back to my place, grabbed a beer, HIGH-FIVED me, and left.
You were walking away to pee and as you were undoing your belt you looked at me and said "the belt is off. the game is on. Remever that."
No matter how drunk I am or how drunk I'll ever be I love you
Building a door into the garage so when I bring girls home my mom doesn't wake up.
Pathetic yet considerate
For a second I thought that you were becoming a decent person again. I am glad I was wrong.
He showed me a picture of his family on Instagram and his dad was my Sugar Daddy. ABORT.
you ass-dialed me while you were fucking my ex.
that was on purpose.
This time tomorrow I will be drunk and in a voodoo shop
You don't have to buy me dinner, watch tv or even hang out if you don't want. Just fuck.
Randomize
