Grow some girl-balls and come out already
I am going to invent a chocolate mix for sperm.
she was pretty much dry humping my leg when her boyfriend walked in. he says "you should probably leave." all i could come up with was "YEAH, I KNOW!"
I am literally too baked to press the call button. How am I supposed to bone him?
when did my "fat clothes" just become my clothes...diet starts tomorrow
He hid IN a snowbank for 2 hours waiting for me to come home. This game has to stop before someone dies.
You obviously dont comprehend the level of insane i operate at
Its not gay if you're best friends and there's less than an inch of dick in the picture. That's where the line is drawn
I've decided that my night was probably over when I started eating the penne vodka with my hands.
The spray paint was a bad idea, 'insert penis here' isn't coming off
Well would you like to come over anyway? I will be wearing sweatpants and disappointment. Also, I have Jack Daniels and I've managed to get drunk in under half an hour. But my boobs look awesome.
...I can smell the alcohol on your breath through that text
I feel like everyone in class can tell we had a threesome last weekend.
He used a trumpet as a funnel, said something about valve oil, and puked all over the garage.
One can only be this extremely wet once a year and I feel like I'm bitch slapping god by not using this gift he has bestowed on me.
Randomize
