best thing about halloween? there are pumpkins to puke in EVERYWHERE!
neither the pictures you took nor my hangover explain why there are skittles in my shoe
so my car got towed last night. I didnt know it cost 118 dollars to have a college experience
He just made a mudslide using rubinoff and swiss miss packets. This can't end well....
You stood up gave the stripper 15 ones in a wad, hugged her and then sat back down.
I JUST HAD PHONE SEX. WHILE TAKING A BATH. FOR AN HOUR. EATING A PLATE OF BURRITOS. TOP THAT SHIT.
Are we talking about who knows if I'll get naked pictures of you with a broadsword or who knows if I'll be surprised?
I must have some kind of deep rooted instinct that tells me when a boys virginity needs to be taken.
Rule #61 of being a lady: never get fingered by a finger with a knuckle tattoo
Her text was so long it had an arrow to expand it. You know it's bad when even your iPhone can't handle her
Neighbour is sobbing. Difficult to masturbate.
He really only has clothes, like 4 boogie boards, and a bong here.
Shia just rubbed his beard the way I do all the time and maybe he's my soul sister. This live stream is life changing.
He had a small dick and screamed "I will kill you if you don't get hard" to it in German...awkward time to have to explain I speak German too...
This is why you need to stop sleeping with freshmen.
I didn't really break out of the friend zone, as much as I blasted the doors off with high explosives and rode through on a grizzly bear...
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